walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
