capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
