Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
do nipples grow back?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
