You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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