If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
