I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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