my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
