You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
this will be a night to untag.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
