yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you win again, gameday.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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