im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
