went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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