walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
