Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I want her autograph on my taint
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i believe in u and ur pee
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