I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
