i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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