I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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