I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
