Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
