and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
