nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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