so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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