Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
