One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
