and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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