I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
