i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
