Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
