I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
