Me too!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
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we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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