Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
