make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may now shotgun with the bride
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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