youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize