So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
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At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
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Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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