No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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