whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
