I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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