there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
