once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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