You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
