Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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