Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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