I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
