He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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