I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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you told grandpa to call you daddy
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
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Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.