Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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