I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me