Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
whose ass print is on the piano?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
