I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Floor bacon is actually really good
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
