why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Randomize
