So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
