God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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