You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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