Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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