It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
