We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
