Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
