I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
