I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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