Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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