theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
