I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
there is glitter all over my balls
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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