I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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