There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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