the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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