barbara walters just said penis...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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