dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
