Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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