I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
