the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
