Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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