I've blown a few things in my day
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
