listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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