Got a toothbrush?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
