Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think your dad took our porno
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
