I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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