I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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