Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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