i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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