took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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